Problem Board Members, Micro-Managing Supervisors, And Overperforming Team Members

An online discussion: “How do you deal with the “problem” Board member?”

A phone call from a favorite former staff person: “I’ve got a new supervisor and she’s crazy! All she does is micro-manage and stick her nose in my business. How do I get her to stop?”

A question from a coaching client: “How can I get a dominating and defensive team member to let others contribute, too?”

In just the past several days, I’ve given advice in each of these situations. While I’d like to blame it on a full moon and hope that it too shall pass, instead I think that it’s a likely symptom of people within nonprofits and NGOs who are responding to growing stressors of increased demand for services and reduced human and financial resources.

My answer in each of these situations was the same: Stop trying to change them and instead change your own behavior. Here are a few simple steps:

1. RESET: Press the re-set button on your own perception of these people. Instead of labeling them as “problem-crazy-dominant-defensive,” just give that all up. Turn the focus away from you and how they “make” you feel. Getting your own emotions under control and looking at the situation objectively is your first goal.
2. REFRAME: What is the Board member actually doing? What triggers the micro-management? How can you tell that there is an unequal team relationship? Look at what is actually happening. Focus on data and specifics. Gather examples.
3. REWARD: Even if you’re not sure what it is, assume that there is a positive purpose for what they are doing and thank them for it. Acknowledge their commitment to the organization, their wisdom, and their feedback. Let them know that they are important and valuable resources and that you’ve noticed some behavior changes recently that you want to know more about. Use specific examples from Step 2 as the foundation for finding out what’s going on.
4. RESEARCH: Once you’ve acknowledged their value, find out more about what’s behind the behavior. Perhaps the Board member is impatient to get things done, or conversely worried about things moving too fast. Perhaps the new supervisor doesn’t feel like she has a grasp on what’s happening within the team and needs more information. And perhaps the team member is concerned about quality or doesn’t even realize what he’s doing. Until you know more about the motivations of the people, addressing behavior change will be difficult.
5. REGROUP: Now that you know what’s going on, you can create a strategy for addressing it. Regularly engage the Board member, instead of avoiding him or her as you likely wanted to do when you perceived him as a problem. Offer to schedule a weekly status update meeting with your supervisor or just sit down and talk about how best to work together moving forward so that you are building a great working relationship. Work with the entire team to shape the team dynamic.

If you stop focusing on “problem people” and instead start focusing on what you can personally do to change your own way of interacting, you’ll soon find that the “problems” will disappear.